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LAZY DAY by Paul Monstrosomone
(Bright sunlight comes beaming through the window, as Marjorie puts on her bathrobe. She then goes downstairs for a cup of tea. It is a lazy day, no pressing appointments or priorities. She picks up the phone, and makes a call. No answer. She notices a wilted plant, touches it affectionately, sprays it with water, and rearranges it among the healthy plants. Still not satisfied, she carries it outside and places it on the window sill. A wasp attacks her, and as she swipes at it, she drops the plant cracking the pottery. The wasp then stings her on the leg.
Slamming the door shut as she enters the house, she inspects the wasp wound on the inner side of her thigh just above her knee. Finding an aerosol can of insecticide, she shakes it, opens the door finding the wasp still lingering around and sprays it with an excessive amount of the killing agent. Taking a scoop shovel from the tool box, she scoops up the wasp, closes the door and drops the wasp in the garbage can next to the coffee table, as she takes a seat on the couch to relax. A strange man suddenly walks into her house.)
RAUL: Joe? Hey, Joe? It’s me. MARJORIE: There’s no Joe here. Ties bathrobe. R: He said he’d be in. M: No Joe lives here. You always just walk in people’s houses? R: Oh, I’m sorry. Excuse me. I’m really sorry. Have a good day. M: You too. R: Thank you very much. You live here? M: Good guess. R: What, Joe move out? M: There never was any Joe here. R: What’s this, all one house, or apartments? M: All one house. R: He said he had a room here. M: Apparently he lied. R: Yeah, him or somebody else. M: I’m sorry, you have to go. You have to go. R: I know where the door is. You don’t have to tell me where the door is. This is a real pain. The guy owes me a lot o’ money. Said come pick it up. M: Well, there’s no Joe here. Ahhhh . . . Maybe my husband knows. He’s upstairs. R: Why don’t you go ask him, babe? M: He’s busy right now . . . ahhh . . . he’s sleeping . . . he’s a cop and I have to wake him up in five minutes for work. You better go now. R: Cop, eh? Go ask him if he knows a guy named Joe. I dropped Joe off at this house last week. M: I think you have the wrong house. There’s no guy here . . . Honey, come down here, please? R: Boy that cop’s a sound sleeper. Just like a cop: never there when ya need ‘em. Honey! Honey! What’s a matter wit him? Maybe he ain’t here. Maybe you’re tellin’ me a little lie, eh, pretty mama? Maybe you think I scare easy. Go ‘head. Go for the door. Let’s see who’s faster. So where’s the other two chicks that live here? M: Kitchen. R: House full of people, and when you holler, nobody comes. I saw the other two chicks leave this morning. The one wit the ratty car should get here about five- thirty. The one wit specs, ‘bout six. Today’s gonna be a triple header. M: Get out! (Marjorie bolts for the door. He cuts her off and pushes her down on the floor. Reaching out, he locks the door. Looking at Marjorie, he laughs, then goes to the phone and rips the wire out of the wall.) R: Your move! M: I’m expecting people any time now. Any time. R: No kidding? Dressed like that? Mind if I stick around for the fun? Ohhhhh, don’t fight me. I don’t want to hurt you. You’re too sweet to hurt. Be nice You smell pretty. Is that your smell or the perfume? Be nice. Flip me a little smile, babe. (She breaks from him and runs. He latches onto her hair and throws her down to the ground, mounts her, then forces a pillow to her face.) M: Yes! R: Please don’t wreck it. You made me hurt you, and I don’t want to hurt you, but if you kick and scream and scratch, what else can I do, eh, babe? (She tries to escape once more.) R: That makes me mad! M: Please don’t! R: See what you made me do! Want me to put out your light? M: No! R: You gonna be nice? M: Yes! Please don’t kill me! R: If you’re nice! Be nice! You don’t want me to do it again, eh? Maybe you like to get hurt? A freckle! I didn’t know you had freckles, I love freckles! I want to kiss them all and give them names. Yeah. The firt time I saw you I knew it was gonna be beautiful, but I didn’t think it would be this beautiful. I didn’t think anything could be this beautiful. Not anything . . . Beatiful. (Kisses her gently.) Don’t make your lips tight. They always make their lips tight. Do it nice. No. They’re still tight. Kiss me nice. Yes. Yes. Nice. Smile. Smile! Nice! How ya doin? ANSWER ME!!!! M: What? R: How ya doin? Say good. M: Good. R: Good. Invite me in your house. M: We’re already here. R: Kiss me and tell me you love me. Tell me! Don’t make it get ugly. Tell me you love me. TELL ME!!!! M: I love you. R: Say it nice. M: I love you. R: Tell me again and keep telling me. M: I love you I love you I love you . . . R: More, more . . . M: I love you . . . R: How much? M: What? R: How much? M: How much what? R: You’re trying to wreck this for me. You always got to make it ugly! M: I love you. R: More than what? M: I don’t understand. R: You’re gonna make me do something ugly. M: More than anything in the whole world! I love you!! R: Touch me. All over. Nice. Again. Nicer. Touch my hair. My mouth. My neck. Keep telling me and don’t stop. M: I love you I love you I love you . . . R: And keep touching me. M: I love you I love you . . . R: You’re making it ugly again! M: Please don’t do this! Take anything you want. I’ve got jewelry upstairs. R: (Slaps her.) See! See! See what you made me do! Now touch me. (Slaps her.) Touch me! M: I love you. R: Scream. M: What? (Grabbing and squeezing her leg just above the knee he forces her to scream, demanding that she scream louder.) R: See? Nobody hears, it’s just you and me, babe. (He continues his obscene demands, forcing her to scream again.) Ohhh, so you like to tease me, eh? M: No. Yes, yes! R: Know what you need, you need a couple slashes here and here and here, stripes t’ make you a zebra-face, t’ scare anybody you go teasin’, cause you’re mine, all mine. Say it? M: Yours! R: Undo the belt. Undo it! Ohhh, this is gonna be beautiful, and don’t stop! M: Please, don’t. I . . . I . . . love you! I love you! R: You smell so pretty, you put on perfume for me? (Across the table she sees the insecticide can almost in reach. The strange man not seeing her desperate fight to reach the can, continues to speak to her.) Perfume, just for me? M: Yes, yes! I love you! I love you! R: Ohh, you say that more and more beautiful!! M: I love you, I really really love you!! R: This is too beautiful! See, this doesn’t have to be ugly, does it? M: No, no, beautiful! I love you. R: I love it when you hug me like that! Your perfume makes me drunk! You put it on just for me? M: Yes! R: Just for me? M: Just for you!!! (She is finally able to reach the insecticide. Grabbing it, she sprays it in his eyes. He starts to scream and she pushes him away, struggling to escape, she runs for the door. He latches onto her leg. Yanking an extention cord from the socket, she loops it around his neck and pulls. He screams, then passes out. In the distance she hears the sound of a wasp.)